Hello there and welcome to my 113 th blog,
A twenty first century Jewish Rabbi once shared this striking statement about the power of words: “Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively with words of despair”.
He went on to say that words have energy and power with the ability to help, heal, hinder, hurt, harm, humiliate, and to humble.
I have always been a rather loquacious person. I have spoken of this in my blog “Think before you speak”, “Just pause”, and in a few others. I have described many a time that I wished that I had used words more wisely and how often I have landed in hot water due to the words that have rolled off, at times, my viper-like tongue. Happily, this has improved.
The written word is still very important. Sadly, it appears that the days of receiving a handwritten letter or postcard from friends and relatives all over the world, is over. I used to love the postcards that would arrive in our post-box from my dad during his business travels, because at one stage, he travelled abroad frequently. Later when I was living overseas, I used to send loads of postcards on my travels and my Mum kept the ones she received. She actually gave them back to me a while after I had returned from my sojourn. It was just awesome reading through them again, and beautiful memories just flooded back into my mind.
Then later when Rich and I were long distance dating, he would send me beautiful love letters (I kid you not), and wonderfully newsy well written faxes to his folks. Every Wednesday I would go to supper at their home following the evening service at St Michaels, and we would pore over these over several glasses of wine and delicious food. This forged the very strong bond that I had with Muz and Pops, and this is how Rich and I got to know one another pre cell phones and video calls.
Then when Muz and Pops did their world tour, they sent the boys regular and numerous post cards detailing their travels. I well remember Muz saying that she was even going to test the boys on what she had written on their return! This never happened, but it was great to make the boys inwardly digest the comprehensive trip details!
Reflecting on all this, it dawns on me how important the written word was for me over this extended time period. This is not to mention the countless stories and books that I was engrossed in from a very early age. I was a veritable bookworm.
Nowadays the written word is inextricably linked to devices. I shall call this the typed word from here on. Within a moment or three, a message is written and sent to any and every Tom, Dick, and Harry, with never a backward glance. Many mental health issues have been created and, or, exacerbated due to the anxiety, worry, and stress that typed words have created in more recent times.
I have learnt from gazillions of my mistakes, and now very rarely send off a WhatsApp message before carefully scrutinizing it for fear of hurting or upsetting someone and trying to make sure that I have conveyed exactly what I want to, in a respectful, non-aggressive, and non-defensive manner. This has been vital for me to do, as I have unfortunately been the brunt of a few messages that have caused me undue distress.
I now need to work on not only improving my spoken word, but also working on the manner in which I respond to those words that are directed at me.
In my blog of 2020, I had loads of ideas on how to do this. I am afraid most of these seem a little superficial and somewhat silly now. A great deal of thought and some reading later, I have some new ones!
- I tend to need to always speak. This will not come as a surprise to any of you. A new tool that I have chanced upon is the THINK acronym which may assist me in this regard.
T – TRUE
Is what I am saying actually true or is it “fake news”? Misinformation and hearsay can be very hurtful and misleading, and will make me appear to be untrustworthy, and even a liar.
H – HELPFUL
Are my words helpful? Is what I am saying going to help my audience and offer good advice?
I – INSPIRING
Are others inspired by what I am saying? Can I help others do amazing things and aspire to awesome heights?
N – NECESSARY
Do my words really need to be said? Useless chatter, inane gossip, and trite information is annoying and a time and energy waster. Hurtful language is just plain mean and nasty.
K – KIND
My life word at the moment. Is what you are saying kind? If I do not have anything kind to say, then I must just say nothing at all. For so many reasons.
- I feel that I really need to comprehend deeply the very huge power of any words that I utter, as chatted about above. They define my identity, reveal my attitudes and sensitivities they can have a direct influence on the outcome of a situation, creating a positive or negative reaction in our world. They reflect my intelligence or ignorance. They can create negativity in my life which can then become habitual. Not good.
- Once words have exited my mouth, no amount of apologising, hugging, resorting to tears, turning scarlet from absolute embarrassment, or running away, will make them magically go back into my mouth. The physical aspect of this is something that I need to get a grasp on. I have on so many occasions tried to shut the gate after the proverbial horse has bolted. I need to stop the words before they are spoken
- This thinking before I speak, must become a good habit.
-I can pause before I add to the gossip, try to express my opinion, overreact, judge, engage in controversial topics, or let my viper like tongue loose.
-I can engage my breathing in a relaxed and calming manner.
-I can just shut up and listen and learn.
-I can reply with kindness and love.
5. If I can implement any or all of these, I am certain that my health and wellness will be enhanced. I believe that my stress may be mitigated, my sense of wellbeing improved, and my priorities reevaluated. Perhaps I will sleep better, not being concerned about what I have said or written on that day, my productivity may improve, and my relationships may be strengthened,
6. If people say hurtful things to me, or what I perceive as such, there are a few tools I can grab from my toolbox:
-I can walk away, as this will prevent me from retaliating in an emotional and distraught manner. This will also show folk that they are not worthy of my time.
-I could plan responses ahead of time, particularly if I know that I may be stepping into a difficult situation or dealing with a difficult person.
-I can inwardly reassure myself. That it may be their problem and not mine, or it’s not worth getting upset over.
-I can pause, breathe (again) before I respond and I can aim to respond in a calm, non-aggressive and non-defensive manner.
-I could try to smile and nod, and say to myself, they know not what they say. I could even have a quiet giggle.
-I could use the experience as yet another (again) learning curve.
- There are certain words that I have learnt recently should really not be part of my vocabulary… and no its not those terribly vulgar words that I historically threw out there at the drop of a hat… those I have actually parked, mostly. The words to which I am referring are Never, Always, and Hate. Saying “never” often goes pear, as some stuff, I thought I would not do, I have ended up executing. An alternative might be the phrase “I mostly do not do this”.” Always” also no longer aligns with me, as things that I say I always do, were sometimes not done. Another phrase might be, “I mostly do this”. The third word “hate “is just too vehement a word, and has such horrid negative connotations, I would prefer “ I dislike it vehemently.”
- On my ongoing mission of kindness, every word that I utter should be enveloped in kindness.
9. Last but certainly not least, and perhaps one of the most important things for me to aim to do would be to choose words very carefully when I am talking to myself. I have spoken of this often, and I do believe that I have come on in leaps and bounds in this area. This is well worth a reminder now and again.
With thanks to Changing Faces and various blogs and a few TED talks.
Wishing you a fantastic week ahead of beautiful well-chosen words.