Hello friends and welcome to my 97th blog.
Today, I celebrate my 485th day of doing an act of kindness a day!!
The reason for my disclosing this to you is not that you can congratulate or accolade me, or think I am awesome, although I would be quite happy if you feel the need to do this! On no, this is most definitely not the reason for making this public.
I am writing this because for the first few months of my kindness mission, I feel that I have to inform you all that I felt misled, badly misled. I had been led up the proverbial garden path, and it was not been the one I expected or hoped for. I felt wronged and disillusioned, and a little bit woebegone. Here we go again, Hayles.
I was led to believe (now here is where it all starts going a little pear) that from the first of October 2021 when I began my mission, or perhaps within a few weeks, I would have changed the world irrevocably, my life would be a beautifully perfect bed of sweet-smelling roses, I would be properly famous, and all would be totally heavenly and amazing.
I was so very wrong.
On reflection and believe me I have done a great deal of this over the last while, there are numerous reasons for none of the above taking place or happening.
Let me just mention here, this is all quite banter-like, so please do not take this too seriously, in fact, rather err on the side of “Hayley just having one of her many vents!!!”
- Why on earth do other people have to follow what I am doing, just because I am doing it? We are all our own people, doing our own thing and living our own lives. What right do I have to expect everyone to join my movement? I mean really!! Also, why would anyone ever say “Hayles you are absolutely rocking this?” Quite frankly, most people do not really care, and I do not mean that in a harsh way. It’s just that most of us are very involved in our own hectic lives and trying to make the best of them.
2. There are many kind people out there who do not feel the need, any need in any way, to broadcast the fact that they are also trying to be kind, and why would they?
3. Just because I am aiming for one kind act a day, does not mean that the rest of my life will be idyllic, happy, and wonderful. Nothing is perfect and it is actually quite wonderful to revel in the imperfections of life. I have chatted about this before.
4.My saboteurs (remember Shirzad Chamine and his 10 saboteurs) do not give a toss about any act of kindness. They just wait in the recesses of my mind, led by the Judge saboteur and at the drop of a hat, come to the fore of my brain, hijacking my mind with their limiting beliefs and assumptions (about me). It’s often difficult to recruit my sage power to handle these little blighters!
- The whole being famous story, they say,is apparently completely overrated, and I would probably hate it. I also do not know enough people and am not doing enough, or actually making enough of a difference in any way, to be able to aspire to this.
Some of my thoughts over the FIRST FEW MONTHS.
- Deep down in my heart, I am not a naturally unconditionally kind person. This does not make me bad or mean or even unkind, but it’s just that it is not in my genes to be able to be kind unconditionally. There are people out there, who really will put kind acts before anything, and that is good to know. I am too self-absorbed to be one of these people, and that is absolutely fine.
2. The acts of kindness also do not take away the feelings of insecurity, and low esteem. They are not little miracle workers making everything perfect. It’s been quite cathartic to understand and make peace with this…at times!
3. Sadly, I can perform an act of kindness and in the next breath, I can criticize someone or judge someone. It’s not necessary to beat myself up over this, but I can definitely keep working on just trying to be kind and then to shut my mouth after!
4. In essence, I am a superficial kind person. I am not trying to bring myself down. This is the truth and it is actually quite liberating to realize this.
5. Some of my attempts at kindness will and do go wrong. It is also sometimes difficult to be kind on those horrid days. We are all just human, and we err, often. We must just try to forgive and forget thereafter. That’s just life, and I either need to take a teaspoon of cement, or just suck it up, or do both. Another work in progress.
6. The fact that I am on a kindness mission will not be the sole instrument making my family happy and helping me to live happily ever after. There are so many other factors that influence this. It will also not secure me a place in heaven, and I do not mean this disrespectfully. I just need to keep trying to live my best life.
7. Being kind will not take away the hurt, grief and suffering that so many folk are going through and will go through, no matter how many acts of kindness are performed.
8. The jury is out as to whether they will make me a better person, especially if I am interspersing them with mean and nasty thoughts and hurting people sometimes, especially when my self-esteem is low, or I am feeling insecure.
9. They certainly will not make me have more followers or likes on Facebook and Instagram and they will definitely not make more folk read my blogs. This I learnt very early on, and it’s fine, I think.
10. You will not read an article about the ultimate kind girl living in sub-Saharan Africa, and there will not be a book, or a movie made about me. My ongoing aspirations of being an actress, singer or dancer will be what I now have to rely on, to get that celebrity status. Oh dear, dear, dear!
However, SOME MORE RECENT AMAZING POSITIVES that have come from aiming for kindness.
- I understand now, that in spite of what I felt initially, being kind to myself actually does enhance my health and wellness and makes me a better person mentally, emotionally, and physically. It helps me on ongoing path of striving for optimal health and wellness. It also helps me remain consistent in my daily habits, and i have grown to love journalling ninety percent of my acts.
2. The kind acts will make more than a few folks feel loved and thought about on their Special Day or while they are going through tough times. This may even help lessen their pain in some small way and will help strengthen my relationships. Maybe my tiny way of making a difference.
3. I think continually of ways in which I can help others, and this will hopefully keep those silly saboteurs at bay, because my mind is too busy trying to be kind. This may help reduce my stress and anxiety and make me feel more content.
4. Perhaps someone out there has taken on board or will still do so, this ongoing mission of kindness and this will in turn enhance their life and the lives of others. I really hope that this is the case.
5. It is fun and heartening to continue to laugh and joke around friends and family about these daily acts of kindness, and this may just encourage them to be kind.
6. Research has shown that if you are kind to others, you both feel good, usually. Thanks to the norm of reciprocity, it makes them also more likely to be kind back to me. This will definitely enhance my sometimes-wobbly self-esteem.
7. In spite of what I said, I am often blessed with messages and mails containing beautiful and encouraging thoughts from different people all over the world, and these always just make my day.
8. A hard but positive lesson that I am learning, is that a true act of kindness is one performed expecting nothing back, as chatted about in a previous blog. I am beyond pleased with my progress in this area.
- When I choose to do an act of kindness, particularly if it is a biggie, I have learnt that I need to think the whole thing through, and make sure that I am prepared to follow through with the act in its entirety, also mentioned before. On the odd occasion, I have felt resentment manifesting, and that then just negates the whole act. I seem to be actioning this quite well nowadays.
- There are many words that mean kindness. Care, friendliness, helpfulness, sympathy, understanding, thoughtfulness, concern, to name but a few. When I feel that I may not be cracking the kindness itself, I do believe that I have most of these traits, and this warms my heart, and keeps me going on those not-the-best days.
- When I am rational and logical, I realize and truly believe that kindness really does matter. Kindness, love, and gentleness all go hand in hand, and this trio really can properly enhance our world and our lives.
So, after all of this, I have decided that I am definitely going to continue on my mission of scattering and sprinkling kindness in all the places that I can, for as long as I can, and with all the people that I can.
Baby steps forward that I will continue to take, to try to make the world a little more beautiful, a little more loving and a little more kind.
Thank you so much for listening to me. This is definitely a blog straight from my heart.
Wishing you a wonderful rest of week.