Hello there friends and welcome to my seventy fourth blog.

A couple of weeks ago I went into the room of one of my patients. I will call her Mrs X. I noticed immediately that she looked different. Her eyes were bright, she seemed more positive, and she had an air of greater self-assurance.. I asked Mrs X how she was. Straightaway she told me that she had been asked to be the liaison person at the retirement home where she lives. Mrs X is physically disabled but mentally strong. She happily accepted the job. Her role is to find out what problems the residents in her frail care are experiencing, document them, and have regular meetings with management to try to work through and resolve these issues. I could see Mrs X visibly puff out her chest whilst talking about her new duties and this made me beyond pleased for her. She feels  needed, important and she  feels that she a significant part of her community She is contributing to something beyond herself. i started thinking about this.

I used to belong to several groups and just took them completely for granted. From March last year when the world as we knew it came to an irrevocable halt, my groups seemed to do so as well. My tennis group had not played for a while, not only because of Covid, but aided and abetted by  us sustaining intermittent injuries. The bridge group continued online, and I do not like playing online so that stopped for me. The ladies group did not meet in person and again the virtual get together did not do it for me. The breakfast or lunch meeting of my Mums groups  also stopped.

I convinced myself (quite well I thought) that it was enough for me to have my family, my practice, my nutrition, my blog and Neolife.  I was very busy and did not really have time for groups anyway. This seemed to be okay for a while.

However, recently, this changed. I seemed to hear about other people’s groups daily. Folks were having a wonderful, exciting, and enriching time with their walking groups, running groups, cycling groups and bridge groups. Everyone was speaking about their groups vociferously and I felt left out. It seemed that their groups helped them feel wanted and needed. The groups gave them a sense of belonging, security and self-worth. it was time for me to learn more.

I established that our need to be needed is our sense of significance rooted in the sense of being part of a community or a cause beyond ourselves.. It is one of our fundamental desires. We want to feel noteworthy in the eyes of others, even if it is just one person. We want to feel like we play an important role, whether in an organization, family life or other. This is natural, universal and healthy. This is until we become addicted to the need to be needed, this becomes codependency. I decided not to dwell on this.

I really did not explore too much more as very quickly I realized that I was being absolutely, completely, and utterly pathetic. I am needed and I do belong, and I am contributing and playing an important role in the lives of others. I am beyond blessed to have so much purpose in my life. There are aspects to my life which may need tweaking, but on the whole, I am good. My groups will resume.  What I also discovered is that at different times we have different needs, and as individuals our needs are not the same.. Again, one size does not fit all.

I can fulfill my needs in healthy ways, maintaining personal boundaries, engaging in self-care, and having a foundation of self-worth. i will have days when I feel left out or not needed, but for the most part I will be fine.

In the last couple of days, our universe has gone crazy again. With the emergence of the new Covid variant, Omicron, the lives of so many folks throughout the world have been turned upside down once more. We have just heard that South Africa is to remain at Level 1 lockdown.

This made me think. As I continue my journey of acts of kindness, I decided that I could actually use this need narrative in a positive way. i could help others. I am sure this will in turn strengthen my feelings of self-worth.

Below are some ideas to help others feel needed.

1. Give someone a strong, and warm hug, Covid withstanding.

2. Give others genuine and real compliments, regularly.

3. A small gesture, like a kind message, a thoughtful gift or baking someone a tasty treat can go very far in making them feel needed.

4. Prioritize them and make proper unadulterated time for them.

5. Really listen to those who need to talk, off load or rant and rave to show them that you care.

6. Show an interest and enquire after their hobby, sport, or club.

7. Follow up on their worries, their family or their grief, consistently and with love and care.

8. Be their cheerleader and show them that you believe in them and support their purpose, aims or goals.

9. Celebrate their successes and congratulate them on their achievements and hard work.

10. Chat to them about your worries, aims and sadness and let them know that you value them deeply.

11.People really do like it if you ask them for their advice and opinion.

12.Show them gratitude for all that they have done for and mean to you.

13. Spoil them with a breakfast, lunch, or supper just because or to celebrate a birthday or achievement.

14. Let them help you or take care of you when you are in need.

15. Be truthful and authentic with them even if it is uncomfortable at times.

16. Lastly, my ongoing consistent favourite, just try to be kind.

With thanks to A Conscious rethink and Steve Rose.

Wishing you all a week of awesome self-worth.