Hello there and welcome to my 82nd blog.
Just be yourself, they say.
What does this sentence actually mean? It scares me, confuses me and, if I am honest, I often struggle to understand that my truly authentic self is.
In the interests of my optimal health and wellness I realized that I needed to start investigating this as my reading has shown that folk who live and act authentically are so much more contented than those who do not.
However, strangely enough, we have been conditioned all our lives to behave according to other people’s expectations. From a young age we are taught to be good (I was mostly at school) stand in a straight line (my fidgeting went down a treat)) lower our voices (that worked well for me, not) and stop giggling (I struggled a lot with this)). On the whole, though, most of us toed the line as we had been brought up to be respectful of our teachers and those in charge.
As we grow up, we crave approval, and we need to fit in. As humans our fitting in and being part of a group has historically been necessary for our survival. However, this natural and healthy tendency has somehow taken over our lives to such an extent that we have become obsessed by how others see us, and we are now trying to fit in for the wrong reasons. We do not want to be judged and criticised and sometimes this makes it difficult to be our real and true selves. How can we strive to be ourselves when media in all its forms continually bombard us with stuff that will make us happier, thinner, more beautiful, and just perfect, promoting very little that aims for us to be ourselves?
It’s just not possible or practical for us to be our true selves, all the time. Not when I am meeting a prospective nutrition client for the first time, nor when I am speaking to a relative about her very ill parent and certainly not when I am being interviewed (in the future) with my potential entrepreneurial idea for health and wellness. This is where sensitivity and good manners come into play. The rather amusing thing is that people who feel nervous in social settings, often get told to “just be yourself”. It’s all so confusing.
However, this is okay. We all need to tweak my personality often. I do. It’s not that I am being dishonest or not being authentic, it’s just that it’s probably not necessary for me to break forth into Lady In Red (singing totally offkey) as I start an interview, or for me to leap onto a nearby table, and start dancing (rather badly) as I meet my new client. Quite honestly, I don’t do much of either of these anymore… but still…
This is all rather difficult, so I started reading, once more, to try to make a wee bit of sense of this all.
Below are some ideas as to how we can try to be true to ourselves.
- Get to know the many parts of yourself.
Find the time to be still and alone. Think about the things that truly make you happy and those which do not. Doing a character strength test often helps. I did one. We all have different facets of our character. Sometimes I just love studying and reading, at other times I love a good party and then at others, quality time spent with my family and my tribe is my best. It seems the things you do or don’t do, mostly when no one is around, are the basics of who you are. Remember you are beautiful, unique, and complex, and that’s just perfect.
- Accept your personality and its different traits.
Once you have really got to know yourself and the various facets of your personality, give yourself permission to own all of them, warts, and all, confidently. Be spontaneous in how you choose to be. Appreciate yourself in all your uniqueness. Be happy with yourself. Learn more about the way you like to be who you are. This will enable you to make choices that are aligned with your preferences. It will also instil a calm acceptance, mostly, in you. Celebrate you and be kind to all of you. I am working on this big time and am quite happy with my progress.
- Remember to be appropriate and respectful.
Oh dear ! How I wish I had properly thought about this back in the day when after a couple of kilolitres of a deliciously intoxicating beverage, I would behave a little unbecomingly at weddings, social gatherings, and a couple of rather important business functions!! This is when the tweaking I mentioned above comes in. Take stock of the situation that you find yourself in, read the vibe and be the coolest and kindest version of yourself. Keep quiet at times, stand up for yourself at others but always try to be sensitive and kind towards others, whilst respecting yourself.
- Try to be true to you as often as possible.
Be authentic and make your desires the priority they deserve to be. Try to lose the people pleasing narrative (another repat, but again necessary.) Create those personal boundaries. Focus on your own values, not those of others. Check in with yourself regularly. Quite an onerous task for me but one worth persevering with.
- Do not make excuses for who you are.
This has been quite a hard one for me, realizing that I am not for everyone. Some people will like me, and some will not. I need to learn to not beat myself up over this, but I also need to be sensitive to others. Keeping my mouth shut at times does not necessarily mean I am not being true to me.
- Do hobbies and activities that you love.
Discover your passions and spend more time on these things. Just be sure to be doing stuff that please you and not others or what society dictates. One of the most authentic versions of yourself comes out when you are doing what you love. I am revelling in my new hobbies and activities and this is one of the things that I can thank Covid for .
- Surround yourself with like-minded people.
These are the ones who respect and support you, who will inadvertently help you to continue being true to yourself. I am blessed with having a magnificent tribe. Another of my repeats, but beyond important.
- Honour your needs.
Try to get in touch with what you need to feel physically, mentally, and emotionally balanced and prioritize these things. Lose what social media may dictate and dig deep to learn about what truly rocks your boat. I struggle with keeping myself aligned with these consistently but keep trying.
- Look at mistakes at learning opportunities.
These can actually teach you to be your authentic self. Change your mind if you recognise that you made a choice that was not right for you. Forgive yourself for things you may have said or done in your endeavour to be yourself and move swiftly along. I am gaining strength in this department.
- Be intentional
Being intentional means that you have a clear purpose and make the most of acting on the thoughts and feelings that are important to you. Listen to your intuition and trust that you know what is best for yourself. Keep striving for authenticity. A fairly new concept for me but one that resonates hugely.
- Aim to accomplish what you desire.
Be bold in going after what you want to achieve in life. This can change and be modified as you learn more about you, and that is so okay. I feel that I am achieving this.
- You are enough.
We are all striving for the best version of ourselves, and we all go through ups and downs on our journeys. We can lose it, we can be unkind, we can get scared, and we can lose confidence. These are all parts of being you and is normal and par for the course. Just try to come back to who you are. This is so important. I am cautiously pleased with my improvement in this area.
- Be yourself on social media.
Research has shown that if you want to be on social media, share what you really care about, what you are actually doing and how you truly feel, in order to be happy.
- Remember that this is not an easy journey.
Being yourself takes courage. You need to trust and believe in yourself and live your life according to your (and not others) values. It’s about those baby steps again. This I know so well.
My thoughts after researching this is that I will be able to do some of these things, some of the time, and probably never perfectly. Often, I may not do any of them. There will be times when I feel that I am being my authentic self, whereas at others I may feel that I am completely out of touch. This is all as it is meant to be and is part of my amazing journey. I hope you have learnt from this, too.
Wishing you all a wonderful week.
With thanks to Lori Deschene, Minimalism Made Simple, Susie Moore and Eric from Antimaximalist.