Hello friends and welcome to my 102nd blog.
There have been times, in fact too many to mention, when I wished from the bottom of my heart, that I could take back what I just said. Back in the day, I shot from the hip all the time. My viper-like tongue really seemed to have a mind of its own. I was the queen of putting my foot in my mouth. I have chatted to you about this in a number of my previous blogs.
In retrospect, my lack of self-esteem and insecurities actually often made me say things that would hurt or offend others. It was my defence (attack is the best form of defence) mechanism, especially bad when I was feeling particularly vulnerable. I reacted instinctively, often in a rather aggressive manner. So bad on so many levels.
This lack of thinking was to be found in other areas of my life. I would stuff non-nutritious food down my gullet faster than anyone could say “Jack Robinson” often, and without a second thought. My Nutrition Journey blog spoke of this. I was also the Queen of Retail, but my purchases were often on a sale, and I would impulse buy, shopping up a storm, and often making rash decisions without thinking them through.
I am happy to say that these two areas of my life have improved a great deal. More on this later.
However, I still do believe that I could refine the not blurting out whatever comes to mind.
This was made very clear to me last week when I properly chastised a patient for only messaging me late in the morning, requesting an appointment for that day. In no uncertain terms, having made the appointment and after he arrived at my practice, I informed him that he was very lucky that I had agreed to see him as he should have messaged me a lot earlier. An awkwardness ensued, and he then said, “Please if I am overstepping the line, let me know.” How embarrassing, and so absolutely wrong and unnecessary on my part. I am surprised he did not leave. Having realised my big mistake and reeling at the fact that this had now found its way into my professional life, I made a huge joke of it, and proceeded to treat him. I hope he returns when he next has an inflammation or injury.
I pondered, thought, and tried to make sense of it all. I cannot really deconstruct the whole story in its entirety, but I think perhaps I felt that I was being taken advantage of and not being respected. A pretty suspect assessment, at best. However, this is not the reason for my chatting to you about this. The point is that I did not need to say anything and am so cross that I did. Accordingly, I made the decision to do something to prevent this happening again or at least to think a little more about what I am saying and how it would be perceived.
Long story short, this led me to the word Pause. As a verb, pause is defined as “to interrupt an action or speech briefly”. As a noun, pause is defined as “a temporary stop in action or speech.”
What if I could add a pause or I could just pause before I speak or act? How wonderful would that be! Apparently, I am supposed to remain cool, calm, and collected (three words that have never been used to describe me) in order to assist this pause story, as this helps us to learn to regulate our emotions. Oh dear! My thoughts seem to run through my head at the rate of knots, often rowdy and disruptive, aided and abetted by my Judge saboteur spoken of ad nauseam in various blogs.
What is a girl to do?
On reading and then assimilating, I realised that I need to learn to activate my internal pause button. It seems this button is to be found in my frontal lobe cortex. Without getting too heavy on cerebral stuff, this is where we can process emotions with rational thinking. Interpreting this, I need to access this to learn to slow down and I need to live even more presently than I do at present, and I just need to try to “Be”. Shoo!! Not easy for me, as most of you will know.
Also, if I can start to access my pause button more often, such that it can end up being a habit, or becomes routine, I think perhaps I can become a much better person. It seems that I need to listen to that voice in my head saying what I would normally voice out loud, and instead of doing just that, I can just let it go, and shut up. I think I need to give this a bash.
How can I do this?
- Recognise the trigger
I need to become aware of sensations building up inside me. For me it would be feelings of insecurity, feeling the need to compete, being envious, sadly this still rears its ugly head more often than I care to acknowledge, and it’s about stupid stuff these days. Not possessions, but achievements of colleagues or peers, or others having family time… and then I end up being very hard on myself. These may manifest as a tightening in my chest or a knot in my tummy. If I can recognise these triggers as my signs, then perhaps I can activate my internal pause button, and throw these horrid sensations in the bin.
- Say pause
I can mentally say pause or I can even say it under my breath. That will make a change from the foul language I have become known to say, too often for my liking, under my breath.
- Take a deep breath
Hey, this was my word of the year for 2022 and it certainly has helped me. I do so much breathwork with my patients too. This I can do!
- Listen
My theme of the year is Active Listening, so this should seriously not be a difficult one for me. When answering someone, I do not need to reply immediately. I can let the thoughts go through my head, notice them without attachment, and then decide what to do with them. My frontal lobe cortex can become my best mate in this area.
- Observe
My impulse eating is pretty much under control, and I definitely think before I eat something that will not necessarily serve my optimal health. I also eat mindfully most of the time. I observe why I want to eat a particular thing and then decide whether or not I will, quite calmly!
In the same way, if I want to impulse buy, I will try to think objectively about the reason for buying said item and whether it will enhance my wellbeing. Sometimes I just want something, and that is okay. I work pretty hard these days and I do not have the time or, quite frankly, the inclination to shop, mostly. Times they have a-changed (Bob Dylan). However, I do believe I can still ameliorate this.
In conversation I shall aim to step out of the situation and become objective before I dive in with my two pence worth. This is achievable.
- Act
Once I have used one or more of the tools above to activate my internal pause button, I am then ready to press play and act in a manner that is in alignment with striving to be my best self. So, looking forward to being able to do this!
Pausing will benefit me in so many ways.
- It will restore my strength
Pauses, even short ones, will enable me to replenish my internal reserves. I have become very aware of this of late and am endeavouring to instil these vital pauses. I am also aiming to take breaks before I get too tired, as this enables me to restore my energy more quickly. Like a battery, it is easier to top up charge than draining it completely and then recharging from empty.
- It helps me get back on track
When I take a moment or two, I definitely feel inspired again, and am able to get back on the wagon in pursuit of my goals and aims, refreshed and reinvigorated. I follow my path with greater energy and positivity.
- It helps me re-evaluate my priorities
Pausing allows me check in to my goals, and this enables me to decide whether they are still serving me and are still relevant. I can re-collect myself and review where I am headed and what I am doing, objectively, and realistically without being caught up in the freneticism of daily life. I can try to dump the useless stuff and unnecessary connections.
- It helps me get the joy back
Allowing myself to stop and smell the roses and realise that, in spite of some the tough and rough times, life is actually so magnificent. This also enables me to stop and smell the roses along the way. I realise how blessed, lucky, and privileged I actually am. Incredible that a pause can be so powerful.
- I will upset and hurt less people
This will make me feel so much better about myself, and others will be happier, and I will then be less hard on myself.
- I will feel greater peace
While I pause, I can practise my breathwork which will help keep me on an even keel and help me to be less anxious. This is much easier said than done, I am afraid, as mentioned above. A veritable work in progress.
- I may sleep better.
Being calmer and less anxious, I may not have as many thoughts running around my head as I go to sleep and when I lie awake in the early hours of the morning.
- My relationships may improve
By pausing, I will be more sensitive to others and what I say to them, and this will deepen our connections, I am hoping. I also think that I will be able to be kinder to others and myself.
- My productivity will be better
The pause will enable me to make lists, prioritise and evaluate my life, and this should then, in turn, enable me to do more.
- My stress levels will be lower
Due to all, or most, of the points mentioned above, all being well!
- My sense of well being and optimal health will increase
Again, with all the positivity surrounding the pause, and activating my internal pause switch, I am hoping to be heathy, wealthy, and wise! That’s my story!
So many good reasons to learn to Just Pause.
I also hope to implement some of Terry Hershey’s inspiring ideas penned in his The Power of The Pause.
I hope that you may have been able to take something from this blog.
A great deal of my thoughts but with thanks to Kelly Pietrangelli, and Katie Ashford.