Hello, my favourite readers and welcome to my thirty-eighth blog.

I have realized that in order for me to strive for optimal health and wellness, I  really needed to start to learn to love myself properly. This has not been so easy for me to do until relatively recently.

My negativity definitely stems from my childhood. It was obvious that my parents absolutely adored me, and on the whole, I was their ultimate brown-eyed girl. What they were not able to give me, through no fault of their own, was constant and consistent security, stability, and complete safety. They both came from very dysfunctional families, so they did not know how to. In their way, they did their very best, and for this I am grateful.

My self-esteem and self-confidence took a dive from my teenage years, at about the time that my parents got divorced. It had definitely started prior to that but became obvious as I ballooned and then slimmed down repetitively over the years. That story is in my first 4 blogs for those of you who want to know more about this. Suffice it to say, I struggled to love myself, let alone like myself, for many years.

A few psychologists and some life coaches, later, I really have started to love myself so much more, but still not enough.  I realized this recently when I had a bit of a wobbly and went for a consult or more, and the old childhood stuff came to the fore, again. The recent episode coupled with looking at pics back in the day when I was thin, firm, and brown, and look younger, had another not so fabulous effect on my love of myself. Refer to the blog in Feb, where there was a similar story. This kept me in the past for a while, and bang went my live in the moment aim and goal. Coupled with the fact that I have been loving the chocs, the bread, and too much diet coke and coke, and then I start being ugly to myself, Hayles, you are not Walking the Talk. This was followed by the usual angsting, recriminations, self-criticism, etc, etc. Again.

However, this time  I was so very proud of myself for recognizing the signs and acting on them immediately. , After a couple of sessions I am feeling so much better and we are working through my issues slowly once more.  Some difficult moments, a little more sadness, and some impact on my relationship with food and my body. This exploration and self-love is a long slow marathon, nit a quick short sprint. Some steps forward though and that is such a very good thing.

What does not enhance my love of myself, is my constant apologizing to myself and others for various things, facets of my character and personality that may not be perfect but are actually cool.  This is also an area that I am working on and I feel that I have made great strides forward in this department.

Another thing is my vulnerability, which I now believe is really quite useful for me. This helps me to speak more openly to my clients and patients and helps me to accept myself for what I am. Life is hard sometimes and being open about this is all part of the healing This also enhances the care I give myself.

I used to compare myself and my life to everyone else’s and whilst often I felt so very blessed, there were times when I felt bleak and not good enough and this was so detrimental to my mental and emotional health. Just awful, the feelings that this evoked. What I now try to do as I start comparing is to swap the negative thought for a positive one. This is quite a challenging part of the expedition that I am on.

So enough about my stories and my blurb,  After some investigation and analysis of this broad and hectic topic of self-love,  I have a few more thoughts and ideas as to how we can help ourselves to learn to love ourselves. Shoo, that is quite wordy!

 

1. None of us is perfect.

Nobody is and that is great. Perfection does not exist, but the wonderful news is that you are perfect in your imperfection. Do not beat yourself up over mistakes you have made and stupid things you have done. Rather learn from them and move forward.

2. Lose society’s expectations of you.

Do not compare yourself or your life to the unrealistic standard that society imposes on you, or what you think society expects of you, because sometimes that is not true, it’s actually only your perception. Be careful not to lose the sense of yourself by doing this. dig deep and be who you want to be. Easy to say, hey?

3. Live in the moment, even just for a moment.

Repetition again, but worth it. Stop the endless pursuit and just look into your amazing self, and appreciate your heart beating, the air that we are able to breathe, the fact that you are alive, that in itself is actually a luxury.

4. Daily gratitude.

Start a journal and write down all the things you are grateful for or just spend 3 minutes thinking of these. Your family, your health, your friends, your home.

5. You cannot control everything

You can not control other people or what happens, but you can most certainly control the way in which you react to what life throws at you. This makes so much sense to me. I am going to start doing my deep breathing when something yuk happens and then react. Will keep you posted.

6. List your accomplishments in a journal

This is a great way to remind yourself how much you have done and how wonderful you are. Seriously, from the smallest action to the biggest achievement. No-one needs to ever see this and it may assist you hugely.

7. Self-care

Again, a repeat and so important in order for you to truly learn to love yourself. Care as much about yourself in every way possible, in the way in which you care about others. Treat yourself the way you would treat your child, your best friend, your partner, with tenderness, gentleness, kindness, and caring.

8. Check-in with yourself

How are you feeling? Perhaps you are worried, concerned, sad,  unhappy. What can you do about this? If there is something you can do about the problem, then do it. If not park it. Another rather big mountain for me to climb to the top of.

9. Maintain your boundaries

Make a list of the things that are important to you and when you feel that someone ignores what is important to you or crosses your boundary, let them know, back off, or reconsider the relationship.

10. Do what you need to do to be you.

Find out what makes you feel good and do it as often as you can. Feeling good is all the permission you need to do what you love to do. You will soon realize that you are a worthy, wonderful, capable, talented, and lovable person who deserves the very best that life has to offer.

11. Face your negative thoughts.

Are they helping me? Are they true? We so often mentally abuse ourselves and torture ourselves internally and we do not even have the actual facts. This really is not beneficial.

12. Tighten your circle.

You are the accumulation of the 5 people you hang out with. If you are not happy, with folk, move on. You do not owe them your time or your energy.  Say no if you need to.

13. Eat to live

What you put into your body affects your mental health, not just biologically but psychologically and emotionally.  Try to eat healthy stuff 80 percent of the time. Remember its what we do consistently with our health that determines our wellness. my motto.

 

14. Get moving

Whatever tickles your fancy, walking, swimming running, dancing. Enjoy, laugh, and have fun. Funny how this comes up in so many of my blogs.

15. Remember who you are

You are awesome and strong and amazing. This may sound a bit odd but if you can start acknowledging how valuable and precious you are as a human being and how appreciated you are as a family member, friend, colleague, and peer, this will go such a long way to learning to truly love yourself.

16. Find a new interest

Challenge yourself mentally or physically. This may well lead you to think that you are the bees’ knees, particularly if you achieve your goal. if you do not, find another hobby.

17. Give yourself permission to love your body.

Your body is not just for aesthetics and to please other people and society. There are countless biochemical reactions that take place in your body all the time and your body is an amazing awe-inspiring machine that does sooo very much for you. Treat it with care, nourish it, love it, and be grateful for it.

18. Do not look for happiness in the ideal body type.

There is no such thing and the type changes all the time, and often what we see in social media and other places has been totally airbrushed. Happiness does not live in your body. It is the fibre of your being.

19. Money does not buy happiness.

Appreciate the experiences and the stuff that money cannot buy. I really can relate to this these days.

20. Trust yourself and your instincts

You need to trust yourself, and to love yourself, before you can trust and love others.

21. Keep learning about yourself

Find out what works for you, read, study, learn. Understand what you need to do to love yourself. Change and tweak if necessary. Loving your body is not a switch, it is a daily practice.

 

This learning to love yourself is yet another journey, inextricably linked to our nutrition journey, our choices journey, our success journey, and our consistency journey, to name but a few.  I just love the way that all these journeys work totally synergistically and  I also love the fact that they are all absolutely necessary for our optimal functioning, health, wellness, longevity, contentment, and self-fulfillment.

I really hope that something in this blog resonated with you. Thanks to Jade Nyx, a  life coach, Deborah Ward,  a writer and editor, and Jessica Sepel, a nutritionist and blogger, for their inspirational work on this theme.

Have a magnificent weekend, my gorgeous blog friends!

Tip number thirty-seven.

Listen. To the sound of the birds, the wind, the sea, the silence, and your heart beating. Cherish it,  feel blessed to be able to do just this, and give yourself some love.