Hello friends and welcome to my 88th blog
A dear friend of mine died six weeks ago. I started treating Maureen on the fifteenth of April in twenty twenty. She was one of the first patients that I took over from Karen at the start of Covid. She was referred to me for rehab after her discharge from hospital following a fall.
Maureen and I quickly became firm friends. I treated her twice a week and having established that her three children lived abroad, started sending them images initially and then videos once a week, every week that I treated Maureen. Her children also sent me videos and photos and it was a joy to see the huge smile that lit up Maureen’s face every time I showed her these.
She had mobility issues and had some memory problems resulting from a stroke two years prior. In spite of this, her indomitable spirit, wonderful sense of humour and her determination to try to get as strong as possible made it such an absolute pleasure for me to treat her. She was well known and much loved in the retirement village that she lived in and her kindness to all in, spite of the difficulties that she endured which worsened as time went on, was a joy to witness. She adored her children and their amazing and consistent care and concern for her was a testament to the fantastic mother that she was.
Maureen was one of my favourite patients, in fact probably my favourite, but don’t tell the others. I would hate to hurt or offend anyone. In just two years we forged an incredible bond and Summerfield will never be the same for me. I feel honoured to have met and grown to love this beautiful lady.
Treating the more mature folk has made me realize so many things. Getting old is not for the fainthearted. There are the wrinkles which seem to appear overnight and deepen very quickly, the sight and hearing which seem to deteriorate in the blink of an eye, the balance which becomes precarious and before we know it, we have fallen once or twice and are in hospital with fractured limbs, limb replacements and sometimes worse than this.
Then there are the nappies, the dementia which, contrary to popular belief, can cause an enormous amount of stress and anxiety to the person who has it, and often the pain and suffering endured following a fall or a stroke or a cardiovascular event. The terrible loneliness that the older folk suffered from Covid was also too dreadful to see. Hopefully that is a thing of the past. There are many more women in the retirement homes than men, and the cattiness and gossip is sometimes rather astounding.
Oh, my word, such doom and gloom, but as per usual, there is a bright light at the end of this dark tunnel, as there are some wonderful aspects to growing old and the purpose of this blog is not to make you all dread growing old. A couple of years ago, I discussed growing old gracefully. Now I would like to chat to you about things we can do now which may help us to grow old happily and with less stress.
In my observation and very close contact with the more mature folks over the last few years, I have learnt a few things.
- Most elderly folk sleep so well, and for long periods of time. We all know that this is a habit we can start, and we ought to aim to do this while we are still young. I have discussed this before.
- The folks who are kind and caring seem to be the most contented as they age, and even if they have health issues, by not dwelling on them, and thinking of others, seems to have a better mental outlook on their lives. Let’s start our kindness mission now, or for those of you who are already on this page, continue consistently as it may help give you quality longevity.
- Many of the folk I treat have the most wonderful senses of humour and this seems to keep them from feeling low and down particularly if they have chronic diseases or illnesses. This also helps to relieve stress.
- Routine is vital to them, and they are thrown if things do not go according to plan. My take on this is that routine is important but that we should also teach ourselves to try to keep spontaneity in our lives. It is also awesome if we can take ourselves our of our comfort zone, regularly and consistently.
- The delightful patients of mine who are able to laugh at themselves and poke fun at this whole ageing scenario seem to have the best time. It is a wonderful character trait to be able to tease yourself and take teasing from others. Let us start now.
- These folk do not really care about what others think of them and they do what they want to do. They lose their filters, and are comfortable in their skin This is so liberating.
- Those who engage with others and have friends seem to enjoy their later years more. This is true throughout our lives. Cherish those folk in your life.
- They are a wealth of information and wisdom and I absolutely love hearing and listening to the old folks’ stories. So many have lived through a World War and their reminiscing about their lives seem to make them come alive and often cheers them up on a bad day. My thoughts on this are that we should journal our experiences. Even if we just write short notes so that one day when our memory is failing, we can pull the notes and remember.
- Most of the elderly seem to be okay with the idea of death. They are comfortable with it and do not fear it. This also seems to hold true for the losses they have had in their lives. Most seem to end up being very philosophical about all this. This helps them prioritize what matters. I am really envious of this and I believe it would do me the world of good to strive towards this.
- Even those folk who need a helping hand still manage to enjoy their days. If they are lucky enough to live in a place with gardens and walks, they are able to appreciate this and many revel in time spent in nature and outside. I have spoken of this often.
- More mature folk want less stuff and most realize that less is more. I think Covid has made us all very cognisant of this.
- Family is beyond important to older folk. Forging strong bonds with our family now will help reap huge rewards, all being well, in the latter part of our lives. Even if it is with Zoom or other video calls. It would also seem that children become friends as their parents age.
- Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Those who keep learning stays young. CS Lewis tells us that we are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream,
- The people who have been active throughout their lives tend to have less mobility problems as they get older.
- The older people love to be touched. Just taking their hand or giving them a hug means so much to them.
i feel very privileged to have been able to learn do much from my amazing patients. They have made me realize even more than I already do, that we need to seize the day, live as many days as we can to the fullest, and make the most of all the moments that we can. Life is fragile and we do not know when our time will be up. Let us just celebrate all of it. Let us remember, in the word of Walt Disney, that laughter is timeless, imagination has no age and dreams are forever.