Welcome to my twenty-fourth blog.
There was not going to be a blog this week. We have had a very difficult and dreadfully sad week. On Tuesday morning at six o clock, Richard’s Mum and our Muz died.
She had been admitted to High care at Waterfall Netcare Hospital overnight with a UTI (Urinary tract infection). Muz (as she was known to most of us) has struggled with her health over the past few years. She would have these turns at times (TIAs, Trans Ischaemic Attacks /mini-strokes, would pass out for a few minutes and then come to as if nothing had happened). Fortunately, she also did not seem to have any residual deficit from these. She had also been diagnosed with Parkinson’s and became wheelchair-bound about eight months ago. She had, for all intents and purpose, lost the use of her hands and as a result of this was not able to do the beautiful crochet work that use to keep her busy for hours or make the delicious rissoles, brown pudding, trifle, mince pies, just to name a few of her legendary culinary delights. Muz was still able to do her daily crossword and she loved her games on her iPad. She also read the newspaper daily, watched the news on TV, and loved watching soccer, rugby, cricket, tennis on TV, to name a few.
Her life was difficult towards the end and she was in pain and discomfort. The hyper-hectic, busy, on the go lady that we all knew, could be that no longer. The time of lockdown when she could not go for “walkies” with Mike and Mapule or Pru or have friends round for a cuppa or drinks, was also taking its toll on her.
I was privileged to meet this amazing person twenty-eight and a half years ago when I first started dating my gorgeous now husband, Rich. Her first question for me after I had introduced myself to her was “would you like a dog biscuit?”. I wondered whether this might be a test, but answered, no thank you, and she laughed. That certainly broke the ice and we became firm friends from that time on. Muz made all her dog biscuits and hundreds of them at a time. Her veggie garden at her home in Bryanston was filled with the most scrumptious organic and tasty things. When the spinach was ready, Muz would boil kilograms of it, place it into plastic sealed bags and then freeze them for future use. Tomato mush was made out of tomatoes when they ripened and also frozen. We also loved feasting on the stunning fresh tomatoes. The lettuce was crispy and delicious and the carrots a treat too. All organic too. Muz had green fingers of note and her garden was always so beautiful and filled with all sorts of amazing things. She would not spend loads of money on it, she would get cuttings from here, there and everywhere and amazing flora would just pop up and flower and look stunning.
Muz would not waste a thing. From newspapers to magazines to plastic to food to most things and woe betide if anyone else was seen to be throwing away anything that she could reuse. Gifts were wrapped in newspaper and old wrapping paper. Plastic was recycled, food waste made into compost. Muz was way ahead of her time, reducing, reusing, and recycling.
Back in the day Muz also made jams and marmalades the glass bottles of which would line the pantry shelves, some dating back years before. They were also so tasty.
Muz was a strong and resolute lady and when she dug her heels in, that was that! I learnt quickly when to back off so it was all good. Muz did not care for clothing or anything material. She would be quite happy to wear clothes that she had had for years or second-hand ones. She was the most humble and down to earth genuine and authentic person that I have ever been privileged to know. She quickly established my penchant for clothing, and our standing joke was, “Hayles, you look lovely, is that new?”
Muz one of the most amazing listeners and I actually do not know who I am going to be able to talk to in the way I was able to talk with her. She genuinely loved hearing everything about our lives, from the most trivial day to day news to a good gossip to the important newsworthy stuff. She only offered advice if I asked and then it was always sound. She never judged me and what was so incredible was the fact that we were so very different in many ways, but we just got on so well and absolutely loved each other. I know that Muz supported us all the time and with one hundred percent conviction. I always said that if I needed something that was on the top of a mountain, she would have done her damnedest to get it for me. Muz was so funny and we would have the best and biggest laughs together. Her shouting “Michael “was known to us all and we would just pack out laughing whenever we heard her saying this. In recent years I have continued the trad shouting, Richard at the top of my lungs. Not so well received, sometimes.
I was blessed to be able to get to know Muz and pops when Rich went to work in the UK. We would spend every Wednesday night together, going to evening mass first and then having one of Muz’s delicious roasts or casseroles with tasty wine, whilst reading faxes sent to us from Rich. We would giggle over his experiences and intermittently would have to light a match as the dogs had the habit of baffing often and they were so smelly! So Many Laughs. Our relationship was easy from the word go. We celebrated my 30th birthday at their home, Richard’s 30th, Andrews Christening, tennis afternoons and braais, the annual mince pie making sessions with festive music blaring in the background, to name but a few of the fantastic time spent at their home. Our friends all knew Muz and Pops and well. from these celebrations. Then we were so lucky as they did the morning school lifts for years, spent loads of time at the side of a polo pool or rugby field – they could not have been more involved as grandparents. The long lazy lunches at their home, the Christmases, Easters, Fathers, and other Days and more recently the weekend lunches out at local restaurants.
We have gazillions of the happiest memories. We are so lucky not to have too many sad ones.
I am angry that we were not able to see Muz for the last two months, but I am trying to throw that anger away. I am angry that she was taken from us too soon and unexpectedly. I am angry that I could not have heard one more laugh, one more “hello beautiful, don’t be so stupid, you are incredible, and I get tired just hearing about your day”. I feel privileged and blessed that I could call this magnificent, amazing, selfless, kind, generous, warm , loving giving person my Mum-in-law, my confidante, my radar, my very dear friend and one of the greatest grandmothers that any grandchild could ever have known. I have learnt so much from this beautiful person and I know she will continue to guide me. She taught me so much about true love, loyalty, compassion, family, and her legacy will live on in us for ever. I just wish Muz could have taught us how to live without her. Thar we will just have to feel our way round and through.
I have no regrets except that I just wish I could have told Muz one more time, how much I loved her. I feel so lucky that after Muz passed, I could give her my last hugs and kisses through my mask, and I could touch her feet, hands, face, and hair one last time. Know she will forgive me for my moment of anger and swearing about Covid.
Muz is in a happier place, she is free of her pain and disability, she can soar with the angels and meet up with all the people she has loved that have gone before her. I am sure that she knew and knows how many people loved her. I certainly know that our family will love and miss her forever.
She has left a hole in our lives, we are devastated and heartbroken, but we have the gazillions of memories that we can hold in our hearts and cherish and treasure forever more. Muz, Rest in Peace. We will meet again.
Friends, please forgive my grammar and the haphazard way in which I have written this blog. It has all come from my heart and I have just needed to share this.
Tip number twenty three.
Make the most of every minute and moment with those you love. Tell them that you love them and hug and kiss and love them while you can. Celebrate and love life with those you love.
Beautifully written Hayles. Your warmth, love, passion and zest for life are heart warming and just so authentic. So sad for your loss but how wonderful to have had such an amazing relationship and bond. Sending much love and courage in these testing times 💕💕
Thank you, dear Sue, so appreciate.
Sending you all so much love Hayles. She sounds like such an incredible woman and she will live on in your heart forever. Big hugs and love ❤️
Thanks so much, Pammie. xxxx
How lucky you are to have known her, and to have had her as your m-i-l. And to have known her for so long. Lovely memories. Grieving is important, particularly in these strange times. Sending lots of love across the miles xxx
Thank you, Judes. Lots of love.
What lovely memories. Let those be the comfort that carries you through these times
Thank you so much, Dor. xxx
Dear Hayley, my deepest condolences to your entire family on the loss of such a wonderful Mum. Yes, I’m sure she is busy with all the angels and thank you for sharing her wonderful all encompassing love. Hold tight to her memories, love and light. You were all blessed by her. With best wishes and a big hug, Karen Day xxx
Thank you so much, Karen.
We are so lucky to have magnificent memories forever more.
Lots of love and a big hug back to you.
Such a lovely tribute to your darling mom in law. Our thoughts are with you all.
Thank you, my dear friend. We have so much to remember and cherish.
Thinking of you and Tim and can’t wait for you to be back home.
Lots of love.
Beautiful Hales. I am so sorry for your loss xx 😘
Thanks so much, dear Jen.
Lots of love toy you and your beautiful family.
Beautiful Hayley, and you summed her up so perfectly. 💕
Thank you so much, Bev xxx
What a beautiful and moving tribute. You are so blessed to have had such an incredible relationship with her, and you will miss her always, but that in itself will be a huge tribute to her. Her blessings will live on through you as you bless those around you with all the wonderful things you experienced and learnt from her. Please remember I am here for you. I love your blogs but this heartfelt one means so much as I am reminded to truly appreciates my own blessings.
So sorry don’t know how I managed to submit it twice
No problem.xx
Than you dearest, Fee,
So appreciate your words. We were truly blessed to have Muz in our lives and we must just live, love and cherish our time here.
Lots of love toy you all.
What a beautiful tribute , my heart goes out to you all
Thank you so much, Clare.
He lucky are we to have known and loved such an amazing lady.
Lots of love to you all.
That is so beautiful Hayles, it brought tears to my eyes. You were so blessed to have such a wonderful relationship with her and I am sure her legacy will live on through you as you pass her blessings on to others through what she taught and gave to you. You will always miss her but that in itself is a tribute to her. If you need anything please know we would love to be there for you. I love your blogs but this one was truly special and has reminded me to really appreciate what I have. Xxx
Thank you so much Fee. really appreciate your words. XXX
Stunning tribute Hayley. Xx
Thank you so much, dear Alex.
We loved her sooo much.
Lots of love to you and your family.
What an amazing tribute to Muz, inspired by the heart but so beautifully written in this devastating time for you, Rich and your boys. I loved reading your incredible memories and I know those and the legacy that she leaves behind will last forever. Sending so much love and strength to you all 💕🌸
Thank you so much, Angel.
Soo pleased that you can be such a big part of the amazing memories that we are so privileged to have.
Hayley what a beautiful tribute to an amazing woman. It brought me to tears. Be blessed in knowing that it is your memories of Muz that will sustain and uplift you. Lots of love
Thank you so much, Jane.So appreciate.
What beautiful, heartfelt words Hayley. You have been truly blessed by her life 🌈 She will always be with you in the things you say, think and do and you will see her in the most amazing ways in the things your family do, the traditions you have adopted, quirky sayings and beautiful memories. Sending lots of love and strength ❤️
So beautifully written Hayles. Sending love ❤️ and support to you all in these different and difficult times. May you be comforted by these special memories you hold close to your heart 💜
Thank you so much, Les. So appreciate.
What a beautiful tribute to your mother in law! She sounds like she was one amazing lady! Love to you all
Thank you so much, Sarah.Love to you, too.
What a beautiful and heartfelt tribute to Muz my darling friend. Everything you have learned from this incredible lady will continue to be your guiding light and your true ‘North’ star. Sending you love and healing in this difficult and sad time. And I’m always here when you you need to talk: ❤️