Hello there, and welcome to my 103 th blog.

Sorry guys, but please,  stop the world, I want to get off!

I am tired and grumpy and cross. This is how I have  been feeling this  past week. I am an imposter, i am fraudulent!!

I profess to have my life completely sorted, and it is definitely not. I am Jack of all trades and Master of sweet nothing.

I do not know who I am trying to fool here, me or you… certainly not me, and I am pretty sure, not you.

Here I have been sitting blissfully, thinking that I can manage all my hats, and magnificently. That is a load of codswallop. In reality, I am not be managing any of them.

So in  keeping this in context, week I succumbed to a bout of sinusitis and an upper respiratory infection in spite of my trying hugely to avoid this.  I generally do not get sick, so this made me think and assess my life. I decided that I am really not mastering any part of it.

Let me explain.

 

1. My family

Well, here, I can get quite teary eyed because my immediate family are undemanding, nurturing, independent, kind and the very best. They support and help me all the way, and always seem to be quite cool with my outbursts, worrying and overthinking. Extending the family web, a little further, things start to get a little trickier. I do not deem it necessary to go into detail on this, and I know that many of you are very aware of some of the difficulties I may have, but suffice it to say, this is where my guilt starts and doesn’t stop. I do not have a handle on this in any size, shape or form.

 

2. My friends

I am blessed beyond measure with the amazing folk that I am proud to call my friends.  It’s my guilt that always seems to rear its bloody ugly head. I should have messaged / visited/ spoken to one or half a dozen folk, and I have not.  I ponder on the thought that we need to invite this, or these ones and I am feeling so bad for that one. I start overthinking and this spirals into a bit of a mess. Also, when I am feeling insecure and hear of gatherings that I haven’t been invited to and experiences others have had sans Moi, I get bleak and sad. Not managing this totally well.  I definitely do not handle this particularly fabulously and waste precious time on this story.

 

3. My physio practice

Just when I think I have my ducks totally in a row, I have a relative criticize me, or I have a patient that stops physio or a I have a bad debt that I know will not be paid. Then there is the whole fall prevention presentation that I have spent hours and more than 1 year compiling that has to be limited to the retirement homes at which I treat, and so that has become very frustrating. Certainly not mastering this.

 

4. My nutrition coaching.

This happens in fits and starts. I have not really ever marketed it and I do not have the time to. My style of coaching differs from all the nutrition coaches that I have stumbled upon. The jury is still out there as to whether this is a positive or a negative. Nutrition also a tricky field. I worry about this, quite a bit.

 

5. My supplements business.

This is an ongoing endeavour and one that is close to my heart although I do not talk about it. It is a direct marketing company, but I am not a good salesperson, which I actually do need to be if I want to make a success of it.  I think I am a bit of a disappointment to my directors.

 

6. My online presence.

I do have a digital marketing strategy in order to get my brand “out there” but have realized that I have not been diligent enough and consistent enough to really make this work. While this is fun and enjoyable, quite frankly I will never be an influencer.

 

7. The recipe book.

Sadly, I do not think I have the inclination or drive to ever get this going, in spite of all the awesome encouragement from my social media friends.

 

8. The cooking story

At the start my weekends, I have great intentions of shopping for the week on Saturday or Sunday and chopping and preparing up a storm on Sunday with at least three meals planned. This has happened, maybe half a dozen times, in the last couple of years. It makes me mad that I do not follow through with this.

 

9. Writing a book

This is most definitely on the back burner at present. Writing my blogs is enough of a task for me at the moment.

 

10. Eating plant-based food.

I was hoping by now to be eating at least half of my meals plant based, but again, to maintain this seems well-nigh impossible. It is happening once or twice a week, at best.

11. Being famous.

I have always thought that in my past life I was an actress, singer, or dancer. To my chagrin, none of the folk in my present life concur. I have always imagined that I may end up being famous. Now as I rapidly approach my sixtieth year, I understand that this will probably never happen.

 

12. My physical rehab

Oh dear! This is such a roller coaster ride, and I am managing it not at all. It goes well, then I go away, and it doesn’t. Then it resumes and I succumb to a bout of illness. So bad.

So, there you have it. I have bared it all and feel so much better. I have too many caps, and it’s time to create compartments for all of them. Thank you for letting me vent.

However, calming down to a panic and looking at all my so-called epic failures, I realize that it is not all bad and perhaps I have been a little dramatic about this all.

Let’s explore this further.

1. I need to try to understand my family member and be kind to her and try to understand her better.
2. My friends are all actually very understanding, and I really need to lose the guilt over them. When I pause, or breathe or listen to my head, I realize that I am actually managing them quite well and they still seem to love me, warts and all.
3. My physio practice is absolutely fine, and if I am realistic about it, I actually do manage it pretty well. I am human, there are loads of other great physios out there, and quite frankly, I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, as a physio or a person, and that is fine. Bad debts happen. I can view this as my giving back to the community.
4. I do not have the time to give my nutrition business my all, and perhaps this will develop and expand when I eventually give up my physio, not sure when though, as I absolutely love it.
5. My supplements business may be something I really get into in the next few years, and that is perfect. Those who are interested in it will let me know. I want folk to use my products because they see the difference that the products have made in me and my family’s health, not to appease me.
6. Being on social media is a creative outlet for me, and it helps keep me disciplined in the various facets of my life, so that is always a huge positive. It also helps keep me in touch with friends who live far away.
7. Perhaps I will collaborate with a friend at some stage to create a recipe book, and if this does not happen, that is also so fine.
8. I am so pleased that I have told you about the epic failure of meal prep. Speaking about this  has helped lift  a load has been lifted off me. I will try to keep managing this as an ongoing aim.
9. Writing a book sound so romantic, but I am pretty sure it is very hard work, and perhaps a goal that I can maybe just park. I have a lot of fun imagining different book scenarios and perhaps there may be something along these lines in the next ten years, but who knows.
10. Perhaps I may talk in front of folk or write a few articles, but it’s highly unlikely that you will see me on billboards or on Broadway. I may not become famous, but I can still have my pipe dreams and imaginings.
11. My physical rehab is one that I have to keep trying to manage. It would be so stupid of me to let this fall by the wayside. I will work on this.

There are some things that I do manage pretty well.

I take my supplements most days, I eat nutritious food a great deal of the time, I have managed to do an act of kindness  every day for the last year and a half.  I practice and learn French every day and have been doing this for a similar length of time as my kindness story I  am properly active most of the days of the week, and I am pretty contented and happy most of the time.  I am also managing to do breathwork meditation fairly regularly.

In conclusion,,  I have been burning the candle too much, and this is probably why I got sick. I was just doing too much. A little wake up call. A little reset and now I feel that I am back on track.

I do not manage everything perfectly and that is okay. I am enough.

As I have said before, imperfection actually does rock.

What I do manage is to aim for authenticity around all of this.

I want to be true to me and to those around me.

Wishing you all a wonderful week.