Hello friends and welcome to my twentieth blog.

Our country continues to be in lockdown and we still have a  fair amount of time left in this surreal situation.

Last week I chatted about how to manage our stress and really hope that you have all managed to alleviate some of yours. I trust that you all had a great long weekend.

Initially, I was managing this surreal situation so well. I had it all sussed, and it was all so easy. I was exercising, relaxing, helping others, laughing and eating healthily. So very proud. I could Walk the Talk.

That is, until this last weekend.

Everything was great and I was contented and relaxed…until after supper. Those tempting tasty bars of chocolate on the treat shelf. It’s like they were calling me. Hayles (they are very familiar), Hayles  … come and get us. We are waiting. We know that you want us. Needless to say, I heeded their call. Within seconds I was back on the couch with a bar, guzzling to my heart’s content. Rich had one piece or perhaps two, and within a short space of time, there was an empty wrapper on the table beside me.

Which brings me to the topic of this week’s blog.

The Oxford English dictionary defines moderation as the avoidance of excess or extremes, especially in one’s behaviour or political opinions. It has never been my best word. In my teens, my eating habits were the epitome of excess and extremes. Stuffing my body full of food one day and starving it of everything, bar water, and diet coke, the next. As I grew larger and larger, the well-meaning folk in my life started to use the  M word more and more frequently, in an attempt to help me. It had the opposite effect. Moderation became a swear word for me. It was like a red rag to a bull. It encapsulated everything that I was not and everything that I would dearly love to be. This continued in my twenties and the word and all its associations worsened and deepened as time went on.

Then I met this amazing man. Somehow, from the get-go, he just seemed to get me. He learnt quickly from our early days of travelling prior to marriage never to share a bar or box of chocolates with me. On the first and last occasion that we did this, he sat quietly reading his book and savouring his first piece of the tasty Swiss choc. He looked up and at the chocolate bar and there were two pieces left.  Suffice it to say from that time on, we would split any choc evenly, his and hers, and never the twain to meet.

Another moderation issue for me is my penchant for clothing and especially my love of the jean pant which was, and is ,legendary. This was also quickly picked up by Rich in the very early days of our marriage. One day, whilst shopping in one of the large departmental stores close to our home, I spotted a stunning pair of brown jeans. I tried them on, and they were a perfect fit. Having come out of the changing room, Rich casually asked “Do you not have other jeans? Do you really need another pair?” My retort was swift, cutting and to the point, “Richard, you need to understand, I don’t need them, I want them.” From that moment on, he has seldom, if ever, mentioned the “need” thing, or the closet containing more than 30 pairs at any given moment in time. However, there has been a  little progress. Now when I buy, I give away a pair to try to keep the number constant. Baby steps.

By and large, over the years I have become more moderate and for this I am grateful. That is, until last year when I started studying again. This magnificent minefield of optimal health and wellness thrives on moderation.  It was as if there was a little army of coaches standing in a line, all with the same refrain, “Do the moderation,” they said, “it will be fun,” they said.

Really, with my history of the dreaded word? Not likely. Nonetheless, I preserved. I started saying the word whilst deep breathing and slowly, slowly, it did become a little less like a swear word and a little more like an acceptable and appropriate  word to be part of the business I was creating. Eating to live, nourishing yourself, indulging, mindfulness, they are all associated with moderation.

However, I still do not like it much so, after a great deal of thought and contemplation, I decided that I would replace it with a new word, whenever I could. The Oxford English dictionary defines balance as a situation in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions. There are so many positive connotations with this word and it rolls off the tongue with ease. I visualize those old fashioned scales tipping from one side to another, gently and quietly. I imagine them aiming to balance and that makes me happy and this sits comfortably. in my mind.

So, let us go back to the decadent enjoyment of those after dinner tasty chocs.

What happened after this? Not what I expected. The dreaded demons did not return. The self-loathing neither. Of course, there was guilt, but I accessed my brain’s sage power and used my rational thoughts to render the guilty useless. I did not revert to type. I did not get sad. I  think I may have grown. So many thoughts and assessing and concluding and I think  I have it. I now realize that the choc munching has been another tool for me to manage my stress and anxiety. When other tools weren’t working, this did. So, rather than argue with my kids which I did not do (for the most part) or taking my worries out on Rich (I really did not), enjoying some decadent chocolate bars was definitely the best thing to do. The indulging lasted a few days and then I got over it. The other tools started working again, I did not need the chocs and now my scales seem more balanced. It’s a heartening feeling and it has made me feel very pleased.

Perhaps some of you are going through a similar thing. This lockdown is having a huge effect on our mental and physical health. It is a part of all our journeys, and we must be okay with our scales tipping, and tipping often. That equilibrium and balance are even harder to attain during these times. We just need to nourish ourselves, our mind, our body, and our soul.

Perhaps you would like to chat to someone about this. Please send me a message or a mail if you would like me to help you.

Wishing you all another safe and healthy week.

My nineteenth tip

Remember, it’s what we do most of the time that ultimately determines our health and wellness. A blip now and again is not the end of the world. It’s just that, a glitch, not a monumental disaster. Let’s be kind to ourselves and let’s do this often.