Hello again, folks!

Nice to see you!
We have met again (with thanks to Mango groove)!

Thank you so much for your awesome feedback.

Based on our chats and your messages, I am going to start giving you some of my top tips for the whole eating thing at the end of each blog.

So, where were we?

Oh yes, the now diagnosed Binge Eating Disorder (BED).

Eating made me feel happy and made me feel secure.

My parents split up at the start of high school and divorced very soon thereafter. It was a very traumatic time for me.

Boom! I began to eat and eat.  Then starve and starve and starve. Within a short space of time, they had both remarried. From being the absolute Apple of My Dad’s Eye and together with my brother, the centre of my Mum’s Universe, I was no longer either. My self- esteem, and self-confidence crumbled, and the eating seemed to help.

At the start of my BED, my best friend at the time was a beautiful blonde, a wonderful, talented and clever girl, who suffered from both Anorexia and Bulimia nervosa.  This combination is an exceptionally serious mental illness that requires intensive treatment. Anorexia is an emotional disorder characterized by an obsessive desire to lose weight by refusing to eat. Bulimia is an eating disorder usually characterized by periods of bingeing or excessive overeating followed by compensatory behaviour. The combination of these 2 disorders is exceptionally serious and require intensive treatment. My friend has told me recently that she needed to heal, or she would have died, and she did not want that to be her legacy.

We did not realize the seriousness of all this and would have team stuffing (of food) sessions together and this seemed, at the time, to make it alright and okay for me to be doing this. However, she would then consume litres of liquid and would hastily proceed to vomit it all up and I would sit there feeling revolting and full and sad, and I was not able to do anything about it. I have always had a pathological fear of vomiting so thankfully (in retrospect) for me I could not follow her lead. I would lurk, while she purged. It was too dreadful, looking back on it.

She got thinner and thinner and seemed to revel in it.  At that stage, I maintained my weight, as I seemed to have the stuff /starve story waxed. I just used to feel so dreadful and bloated and cross with myself after the regular stuffing sessions.

My friend then left the country, and this is when my proper see-saw path began.  And continued for years.

There were times when I was my slender self and then, at the drop of a hat, I would stuff my face again. I don’t think my parents really knew that it was so bad as I kept well and “healthy”. My grades remained good, I played sport, I had friends and boyfriends and it all seemed okay. Even today, I don’t think I would be able to chat to my Mum about this. She has enough guilt already.

The attractive, slender girl who could swim really rather well and who was part of the fun fashion show in the early days of high school, showcasing  some stunning clothes from a local boutique, became the large loud girl who really wasn’t particularly fetching and secretly sat alone eating anything she could lay her hands on. I then lost weight and looked lovely again, only to gain a hefty amount and get frumpy again. I started dating a delightful boy, got slim broke up with him and picked up weight again. Then another boyfriend and the cycle repeated itself.

Large, slim, large, slim. On and on and on. Exhausting, really. Fast forward to the end of school. I really was not ready to leave the school or home nest in any size, shape or form. I was a prefect, swimming captain, had great marks and a super circle of friends, and I just loved being at school.  I also struggle with change and always have. However, there was nothing to be done. I had to leave school.

That’s all for now, folks, see you next week for Part 3!

My 1st Eating Tip.

Eat breakfast. Sit down and eat away from any distractions. Take a few deep breaths and give thanks for the food in front of you. My breakfast meal always consists of a protein and a carb. The combination helps balance my blood sugars and helps burn my fat after a night of sleep. If  I skip breakfast, and this happens very occasionally, I find  I eat terribly all day. Hope this tip helps you. Have an awesome day!