Hello friends and welcome to my sixty-third blog.

The classic overthinking definition is “to think about something too much or for too long”.  Thinking is an absolute and necessary part of our lives. We all think things through when making big decisions, assessing a situation, or making plans. However, this becomes overthinking when you cannot get the thoughts out of your head. I have to confess that I am the Queen of Overthinking. I have been for as long as I can remember, but it’s only more recently, and of late, that I have realized that I am a proper overthinker. So much time, stress and energy wasted. I worry about the future incessantly and I fret over the past often. I beat myself up over the “should haves”, “would haves” and “could haves”. I concern myself over what others think or have thought of me, and I regret things I have said and done. This has definitely prevented me from being present in the present and has  wasted a great deal of my precious time. Pretty sure it has also had a detrimental effect on my sleeping pattern.

 

Did you know that essentially, as its most fundamental level, overthinking is your brain trying to protect you? I certainly did not. I absolutely love this as it makes me feel comforted that my brain wants to take care of me. Our brain just wants to be in control, or at least have the illusion of being in control. When the brain perceives a threat, whether its exaggerated or non-existent, it reacts as though you are in danger. Then, to keep you safe, your anxious mind will drag you down all sorts of complex roads. Thoughts of past mess ups made up scenarios, obsessive fears and “what is the worst that can happen” stories. This leads to all sorts of horrid things.  Anxiety, worry and stress, to name but a few. Our mind does not know that it is actually harming us so we cannot be cross with it. We just need to help it to redirect these thoughts and take control so that you can  move forward and make the most of our life.

 

All these words.

Apparently overthinking comes in two forms. Ruminating about the past and worrying about the future. Rumination is the process of continuously thinking about the same thoughts which tend to be sad and dark.

Overthinking differs from problem-solving in that problem-solving involves thinking about a solution whereas overthinking involves dwelling on the problem.

It also differs from self-reflection in that self-reflection (healthy) is about learning something about yourself or gaining a new perspective about a situation and is purposeful whereas overthinking involves dwelling on how bad you feel and thinking about all the things you have no control over and will not help you develop new insight.

The difference between all these is not about the amount of time spent in any of these, but whether the time is productive.

I believe it is time for us to seize the day, take control and to stop overthinking.

Here are some tips.

1. Pay attention to your thoughts.

You may be so used to your brain overthinking everything that you literally let it run on autopilot. This is a problem. You need to be aware of your overthinking if you are going to manage it.

Be aware of your thoughts.  If necessary, stop for a moment and check in with the soundtrack running through your mind and if you notice it harping on one particular worry, address this particular notion. Say you will think about it for three more minutes and then you are moving on. Sometimes easier said than done. So, try to get your mind redirected to something more productive after the time is up. That is not always possible. This works for me when I am treating or working on blogs or nutrition stuff.  I am trying to ensure that ninety-nine (one hundred is pushing it) percent of my focus stays on the task at hand.

2.Distance Yourself from the belief.

Take a step away from what your brain is telling you. Imagine things from a different viewpoint. If your mind is worried about your health, reframe the thought to, “my brain is worried about my health”, so you can try to be objective about this.

So, I say to myself, just because my Mum has ended up with a disease that I never imagined she would, does not mean I will get it. Accordingly, I will continue to strive for optimal health. I will continue to take loads of vitamins and minerals, eat well (mostly!) and try to manage my stress. I will take the necessary precautions to check out my health. A veritable long work in progress.

 

3. Look at the bigger picture.

Do not let minor issues turn into significant hurdles. This is very difficult for me. I struggle to imagine how this will affect me in a few months, a year, or two years from now. I am hoping to find tool to assist me in this regard.

 

4. Take action and problem solve.

Some worries are things that come up over and over. Your mind will be anxious about something and it will keep returning to that thing, no matter how often you redirect it. In these cases, you should take positive steps to alleviate the fear. So, I worry about the safety and health of my family, often and too much. What I am trying to do now is to realize and understand that I have made them all aware of their health and welfare from the time that they could understand and rationalize this. Now that they are “all grown up” I need to let them, and this, go.  Also, I keep myself busy, and that is not difficult at the present moment in time. I understand that this is all I can do to try to solve the problem of worrying about them. It works sometimes.

 

5. Distractions.

Your brain likes novelty. Use this to your advantage. When anxiety has you locked in a seemingly never-ending loop of thoughts, anxieties and worries, distract it. Everyone has their own favourite types of distractions. I use TV, podcasts, video clips, fiction novels and social media for this. i am finding that these do really work!

 

6. Manage your story.

To stop yourself from these nasty thoughts, you need to first identify them. Then you can catch yourself when you start telling yourself these negative stories and replace them with positive ones, like “I am in charge of my emotions.” Once you change the narrative, you’ll change your life.  Have you heard of automated negative thoughts? These refer to knee-jerk negative thoughts which usually involve fear and anger, that you have in response to a situation. They say that keeping a record of the situation that gives you anxiety, your mood and the first thought that comes to you, automatically helps to manage this. Ask yourself, why is this happening? Breakdown your emotions and try to identify what you are telling yourself about the situation. Instead of saying this makes me feel vulnerable, say “I have got this, and it is all good.” Change your story. Mmm, easier said than done.

 

7. Let go of the past.

Sooo much wasted energy of mine expended on the past and what cannot be changed. I am completely and utterly guilty as charged!! I am really trying to prevent my past mistakes control my future decisions. I am also striving to let the bad things that (I feel) have been done to me not control my emotions. I am learning to forgive others and myself and to let go of my angst.. I am proud of my progress in this field. Go, Hayles!

 

8. Live in the moment

Living in the moment is key to learning how to stop overthinking.  It is about being in control of your mind and stopping negative emotions in their tracks. One needs to stop overthinking before it spirals out of control. Then one needs to take a minute to reset. Breathe and focus on the moment. What are you hearing and seeing?  What is fab in your life? At first, it will take conscious awareness and may be difficult. Daily routines like meditation can help you re-train your brain to live in the moment. It’s back to the mindfulness story. This is so true. Still struggling with meditation, but I often appreciate the here and now.

 

9. Take control of your emotions.

This does not mean burying your negative emotions. In order to master your emotions,, you need to acknowledge them and identify their root causes. When you’re feeling anxious, dig deeper. It is often about facing your larger fears, such as not feeling in control of your life or not progressing in a way you would like to be. This is where my amazing therapist comes in. I see her every now and again and it just helps me to take back control of my life and emotions.

 

10. Know the difference between fear and intuition.

Overthinkers may have trouble distinguishing between the fear of making a mistake, and a deep feeling that something is wrong.  Intuition happens instinctively, without conscious reasoning. By connecting to your body and taking a few deep breaths, you can decipher whether fear or intuition are in play and how to best move forward.  Sometimes I worry that I have lost my intuition along the way. Anyone else feel like this?

 

 

11. Acknowledge your successes.

Whilst in the midst of overthinking, stop yourself and write down five things that have gone right this week. You can refer to the list when you find your thoughts spiralling out of control. This is such a positive easy one for me.

 

12. Be kind to yourself.

This is my go-to place and often my saving grace, and it is working more and more, and helping me so much and often.

I really hope that some of my ramblings and thoughts resonate with you in some way.

 

With immense thanks to Cindy Lamothe, Heather Ashman, Amy Morin, and Tony Robbins.

 

Wishing you all seven days, and then many more, of  happy and positive thoughts..