Hello friends and welcome to my 78th blog.
The last few weeks have been wonderful and different. We have started socialising again and it has been pretty awesome and rather busy!! This has meant that I have had to manage my time better, but it has been well worth it, and we are being sensible wherever possible not to overdo it. We are balancing our lives better, overall, in our quest for optimal health and wellness.
We are aware of the fact that the dreaded revolting bug is here to stay, and I am consistently vigilant with my protective measures whenever I treat my patients.
I am not certain whether I have learnt new lessons after our upping the socialising ante, or whether this is stuff that has lodged itself in the recesses of my brain over the last while, but nonetheless there are quite a few things that have dawned on me recently and I would like to share these with you.
- Honesty and authenticity.
I am working hard at being honest and authentic most of the time. If this means that I need to keep my mouth shut and not utter a word, for fear of hurting or upsetting someone by what comes out of it, then that is just what I must do. This is often unbelievably difficult for me, but I will press on and persevere. Still believe there is a place for the odd white lie…a story for another day.
- Lose the word “weight” in conversations.
I am trying hard to not use the word weight when chatting to anyone. If it is obvious that someone has lost weight and I know that it will make them happy to have done this, then I will say, you are looking great. If they then reply by mentioning their weight loss, then that is okay, but there is almost never a reason to use the actual word weight. If someone has picked up weight, they know, and then why on earth would one ever mention this? Also, if they have lost weight drastically and did not need to, its also not necessary to mention it, as they may be ill and not be ready to share this.
- Genuine words of encouragement and praise will always make someone feel special.
This is so easy and will most always brighten up someone’s day. On the other hand, criticism and judgement need not be part of any conversation or social interaction. Well done, congratulations and you are a star are such beautiful words, aren’t they?
- Keep eye contact.
When speaking to someone maintain constant eye contact with them. I am certain I am speaking to the converted, but sometimes I feel that this is not really adhered to. Now that we are getting back to face-to-face interactions, I believe this is even more important. You do not have to do that scary stare, but just make sure they know you are fully focused on them.
- Do not give anyone advice unless someone asks you for it.
I get very irritated when people offer me advice which I have not asked for and sometimes it feels that this happens a lot, so I do think I am quite aware of not doing the same to others. If someone asks for your opinion on a matter, that is another story, but otherwise shut the flip up.
- Steer clear of sensitive topics.
This may be avoiding talk of Covid, losses, , parents, jobs, children, money, or any other subject that may upset or throw folk off balance. Read the crowd. This needs to be person specific, and I think this is very important. It’s really just about care and consideration.
- Stay out of other people’s business unless it involves you directly.
Very little good can come out of interfering in stuff that you are not involved in. If someone wants you to know something or wants you to get involved in their stuff, they will let you know.. Do not pester someone into revealing their deepest stuff. Nosey Parkers are really not cool. Also, get over the fact that you may not be their go to person and that is absolutely fine. We can not all be everything to everyone.
- Be careful about making a joke at someone else’s expense.
Believe me, I have borne the brunt of this often and it has not sat well. Perhaps this is because I am a very sensitive soul. It may be fine for others, but just do your research before you start teasing someone. Hurting others is really horrid.
- We are all entitled to our own opinions.
Respect and tolerate the opinions of others, even if you do not share them. We are all different, have different viewpoints, and is this just not what makes our world go round?
- Don’t ask young people when they are getting married or when they are having kids.
It has absolutely nothing to do with you, whether it be family of friends. I do this 24/7 and it’s always awkward and does not go down well.. Similarly, do not ask someone if they are pregnant. This landed me in enormous trouble once, when the lady in question replied that she had given birth eight months previously. It was so embarrassing. Never to be repeated. Shoo, another work in painstakingly slow progress.
- If you call someone twice and they do not answer, leave it.
They either do not feel like chatting to you or they are in the middle of something very important. Unless there is an emergency, park it.
- Be a good listener
I believe that this is one of the most awesome personality traits one can ever have. The folks I know who are amazing listeners are some of my favourite people in the whole world. Everyone has a story, and most people really want you to listen to it. I am trying so hard to master the skill.
- If someone does not reply to a message timeously, it really is not the end of the world.
I am realizing this more and more, and slowly but surely, the double blue tick is losing its enormously powerful hold over me. Folk have priorities and you may not be top, at that moment. It’s all good and is as it is meant to be.
- Make those calls.
Messages are fantastic, but a phone call will show that you really do care and want to take the time to talk. I am working on this and feel that I am making fantastic progress.
- The words please and thank you can never be overused.
Sadly, I feel that society seems to be using these words less and less. Personally, I can not be thanked often enough and the word please just makes me melt!
- A proper sincere smile given often is just the most awesome thing.
Smile often and you will soon realize that it is so good to make others feel great with this small thing. You then feel fabulous too!. A brief social interaction with a smile can absolutely and completely make someone’s day.
- Be mindful with your words.
Think before you speak. Then take a few deep breaths. Then talk. I mess up with this all the time, but I am really trying.
- Do not harbour resentment.
It really does no good. It is like an acid that eats away at a container, and who needs that? It will over time compromise your health and wellness. Lose the grudge and let it go, particularly when you are socialising. Another thing that I tend to do. My poor Favourite is my sounding board, but I am learning to compartmentalize it and then bin it.
- Judging a person does not define who they are, it defines who you are.
Not sure whose wise words these are, but flip, they are super true. Another of my ongoing labours.
- Phone someone before you pop in to see them.
To me this is just a matter of respect. I really do need to know when someone is going to visit. The random drop offs at the gate are wonderful, but actual visits require warning!
- Before you assume, learn the facts.
Idle gossip can be so toxic, hurtful, and unnecessary. We seem to want to talk about others to make us feel better about ourselves and that is just completely skewed and horrid, and we end up feeling revolting and achieve nothing.
- Don’t waste energy trying to connect with people who are not worthy of you.
Share your love with those who are. Be authentic when offering or accepting invites. If they are not going to serve you, do not accept or offer them.
- Prioritize your needs over everything.
You are the most important person in your life. This is not to say you must ignore other people but if you are in your own good space, you will be a much better friend to other people and it will be easier for you to help them.
- Make the most of every moment.
Enjoy, live, love, and laugh , always and as much as you are able.. Make memories and cherish and treasure precious time spent with your nearest and dearest.
- Choose your battles wisely.
Not everyone is worth your time and energy. Carefully pick the ones who are.
- Be kind always.
My ongoing and consistent mission. Sprinkle some kindness onto all your get togethers . Deep breaths in between are also the berries.
With thanks to Ranjan Mishra for some insightful thoughts.
In conclusion, these are my thoughts and ideas, and may not resonate with you at all, and that is just fine. Live your life as best you can.
Wishing you all a magnificent week.