Hello friends and welcome to my thirty-third blog.

On Sunday 4^th July, at 7.45 in the evening one of my favourite patients who is a resident in Frail care at one of the retirement homes at which I treat, sent me a message. It read, “Good evening, Hayley. Please do not come to … tomorrow. Covid-19 has made landfall. 3 residents are in full quarantine, including me, and the fourth is Sr… Frail care was sanitised on Friday morning and nasal swabs taken Friday afternoon…”

Needless to say, I was initially shocked and then became very worried. I had treated this patient 4 days before, on the   Thursday morning. This was not good. I had treated 11 other patients in various places on that day and another 5 on Friday. I took a deep breath or SIX and went to my Sounding Boards, Rich, and my boys. We talked it through and all agreed that it really was a very good thing that I am healthy, fit, and eat well and that I  would never succumb to any virus at any time. Added to this was the fact that I could not have done more to protect myself and my patients and had been ultra-vigilant about sanitizing and disinfecting.

I went to bed but had a really restless night.  In the early hours of Monday morning, having eventually drifted off, I awoke with severe and intense pain in my right lumbar area. I put it down to treating the week before. It actually was my first Covid symptom.

I woke up on Monday, anxious and uncertain. After a quick consult in isolation with my doctor, I proceeded to the drive-through to have my test.  I was fortunate to have the oral test done but still managed to gag. On my return home, I quickly informed the retirement homes. I also contacted the patients (or their relatives) whom I was due to treat in the next couple of days, explaining the situation and letting them know that I would not be treating until I got my negative result back.  I spent the rest of the day catching up on admin. I took quite strong meds for the lumbar pain which had now moved up into my ribs and to the other side of my lumbar spine.

On Tuesday morning I woke up, upbeat and positive, feeling refreshed after a good night’s sleep. I posted on social media, everything was great and then my doctor phoned. ‘Hayley”, he said,” it’s not good news. You tested positive.”

So that was that. The next seven hours were spent frenetically pacing up and down my room contacting every patient or relative that I had treated in the last three weeks, just to be sure. I also made certain that any friends or relatives I had been in contact with were made aware of my positive status. The response was amazing, and everyone was very kind and sympathetic. I became aware that there was a touch of trepidation and uncertainty when chatting to nursing staff and managers at a couple of the retirement homes, which was understandable. By Tuesday afternoon I was feeling really grim and had a small supper and went to bed. Not a great night’s sleep.

So, what is the point of all this? The point is that I believed wholeheartedly, completely and utterly, that I was strong as Russia, fit as a fiddle, healthy as an ox, and that I would never ever get infected by the virus. I did. It perplexes me now, and will probably forevermore, how this actually happened. This is surely a virulent little germ.

For five days I felt really awful. In fact, I cannot remember when I last felt so ill. I had intense back pain, rib pain, and leg pain. I had a mild headache, felt fuzzy, had no energy, and was exhausted. I lost my sense of smell, taste, and appetite, and also experienced sinus-type symptoms. I did not have a cough or a temperature. I also was worried sick about my patients and family.   It was a dreadful few days, mentally, emotionally, and physically.  I believe this definitely worsened my symptoms and slowed my rate of healing.  I overanalyzed everything and this did not serve me. I kept in constant and regular contact with my patients and, or their relatives and some of the nursing staff at the retirement homes and this made me very anxious. I will never know if I passed Covid on and need to let that go. Another worry was that my husband tested positive a few days after me. On the whole, he has remained well. My three boys and my housekeeper also seem fine at present. Thankfully.

Over the weekend I hosted a particularly splendid Pity Party For One. It was fairly short-lived but quite spectacular.

There were tears (of course) quite a lot of “Woe, Woe, Woe is me” with some chest-beating, (naturally) a great deal of Why me? I am caring, I love my patients, I protect myself and others, I eat well, I exercise, etc, etc (to be expected) some generalized patheticness (obviously) and rather a large chunk of Captain Grumpy (clearly).

My magnificent family was amazing and handled me with aplomb.

Then I got to thinking about and assessing my situation. I rested, rejuvenated, and started to feel better from Monday. This led me to some interesting conclusions.

Over the last three months, there had been some big changes in my life and also some rather large stresses.

1. On 12^th May at 6 in the morning, Muz died and that was one of the most terrible things to happen. I was worried about Rich and my 86-year-old father-in-law and I experienced more sadness and grief than I ever thought possible.
2. Before during and after this time, my new business expanded exponentially, and I got busier and busier. This was super cool and very exciting, but also quite scary.
3. I worried subconsciously, incessantly, and continually about the virus. I was concerned about my elderly patients being at risk and I knew that I had made myself vulnerable by going to treat so many different people in so many different places. The consistent mission of thorough sanitizing, disinfecting, and spraying was also definitely an ongoing source of anxiety.
4. I also felt a certain degree of guilt that I was exposing my family to the virus, to a much larger extent than otherwise would be the case. They were forced to buy into this, without ever having being consulted.
5. I was not sleeping well as an ongoing thing. Studies have shown that insufficient quality sleep is associated with an increased likelihood of getting a cold or respiratory infection.
6. I then bought a new accounting package and I did not have the time to attend a training course on how to learn to use it.
7. I definitely was not eating as well as I could have and was not taking ongoing supplements.

 

Boom!!! It all culminated in a positive test, due to my exposure to the coronavirus which resulted in my getting the Covid-19 disease!

In hindsight, I was very stressed. I was not acutely stressed; I was chronically stressed. So, my cortisol levels (remember this is the stress hormone which the body releases in response to stress) were continually being released to the point that my body got used to this ongoing stress. So instead of it being a positive thing that helped limit my body’s inflammation, it became a negative response as these stress receptors become desensitized. My body then got used to the presence of cortisol and my inflammatory response was affected and increased. This then affected my immune system, which could not properly protect my body against disease or a virus.

So, after this rather long-winded narrative, what have I learnt?

1. I need to appreciate that grief, sadness, and missing someone once they have died, is an ongoing journey with ups and downs. I need to understand that I need to give myself quiet time to deal with this and to work through it slowly but surely.
2. I need to calm down to a panic and to take this new business less to heart. I need to breathe in between and to do my best, but I need to allow myself time to chill. My elderly patients need treatment, but it would serve them and me better if I just relaxed a bit more.
3. Perhaps if I had worried less about getting the virus, or transmitting it, I may not have succumbed to it. I could not solve the problem and was doing my best to protect and be protected, so worrying did me no good.
4. My family is awesome and strong and understood from the get-go that I was placing us in a vulnerable position, and they were fine with it. Even now with us in complete isolation, they have not blamed me for the magnificent holidays they could not go on. Thankfully, Cyril also helped put paid to their plans.
5. I definitely need to address my sleep issue properly, starting with supplements, and increasing my meditation and self-care time.
6. I will take baby steps in learning and familiarizing myself with my new accounting package and I will acknowledge that this is going to take time.
7. I definitely need to be more mindful of what I eat all the time. I also believe that I need to take supplements, and a number of them, due to my age, my busy life, and perhaps the fact that the fruit and vegetables that I eat are not supplying me with adequate vitamins and minerals. I cannot guarantee that the soil in which my veg and fruit has been grown has sufficient nitrates and phosphates to give me the optimum health that I am seeking. I am exploring this sup nutrition supplement story. Watch this space.
8. I need to be so much kinder to myself and I need to think and analyze less of the stuff over which I have no control.
9. I am privileged and blessed, and I am strong, I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and a warm bed to rest in. I also have the best family and friends. The outpouring of kindness, generosity, love, concern, meals, treats, flowers, grocery shops, and other deliveries has been overwhelming.

 

So, yet another learning curve for me. I now need to learn to identify my stress, to manage it, and not to let it impact my health in such an enormous way. This has been a blip and it is all going to be fine and fantastic. I am looking forward to getting my negative result back when I retest on Monday.

Thank you for letting me vent. Hope you can take something from this blog.

 

 

Tip number thirty-two.

Never say never.  I have learnt this time and time again. We do not know what may happen from one moment to the next, and from one day to the next. Let us just learn to live every moment as best as we can.