Hello there wonderful people and welcome to my 81st blog!
The true definition of happiness is an emotional state characterized by feelings of joy, satisfaction, contentment, and fulfilment.
I don’t believe there are many people in this world who do not want to be as happy as they can, if possible, always, and forever.
Studying The Science of Wellbeing through Coursera has been awesome in understanding some of this enormous subject, but I needed to learn more, and this set me on the path of further exploration.
Always remember, that I am just a curious girl striving to make the best of her life. I have no background in philosophy or psychology and most of my blogs have a great deal of my postulations and are not an exact science.
It would seem that we may not really understand what will give us joy, contentment, and fulfilment. We may well be taking the wrong roads looking for this elusive thing. As humans we have evolved amazingly, but we are not programmed to be happy every second of every day.
However, it seems that everywhere we look, happiness is touted as a basic human right. We must optimise our happiness as much as we can, by reading self-help books, going to therapy, being grateful and eternally positive. Do not get me wrong. These can be wonderful happiness assists, but they can be a little OTT. Being happy must be the ultimate goal. Once we discover happiness, we have essentially discovered the true meaning of life. I find this school of thought a little too idealistic and not that practical.
Then there is this positive psychology, which is the scientific study of what makes life most worth living, focusing on both the well-being of ourselves and society. This states that our wellbeing is all about making the most of positive emotions and minimising negative emotions. However as far as I am concerned, this is a little too utopian. S… happens to everyone. Coping with tough stuff is a journey and needs to be worked through with deliberation and intent. By not processing our emotions we cannot appreciate the good ones when we have them. If we do not acknowledge the lows, we cannot value and fully embrace the highs.
Also, research has shown that the stuff we think will make us happy, like pots of money, awesome stuff, and true love, will not necessarily do this, although it appears our minds trick us into believing this is true. An interesting subject to explore on another day.
So, what might make us happy?
Not an easy answer, and I have read and studied, and still am struggling with this whole forging of our own happiness path. Reading and researching with some of my own thoughts, various hypotheses are set out below.
- Aristotle had many thoughts on this whole happiness narrative. One of his beliefs is that happiness is a life goal and cannot be achieved until the end of one’s life. This is fab to aspire to, but my feeling is that we can create happy moments each and every day.
- Material possessions may not provide you with long term happiness. A reason for this may be the concept called hedonic adaptation, the notion that after positive or negative events and the subsequent positive or negative feelings that follow, people will return to their relatively stable baseline level of affect. Also, someone else always has more and there always seems to be something new to chase. It is not wrong to want nice stuff but owning it should not be an obsession.
- Looking for happiness through love may also not be the thing to do. You need to source happiness on your own before looking for love. Of course, finding the love in your life is just the best, but do not rely on them solely to either create your happiness or maintain it. This resonates with me big time.
- Meaning and happiness are separate but often go hand in hand. One can lead a pleasurable life but without meaning and one can be dedicated to a cause but experience very little pleasure. They say meaning brings more happiness than pleasures. My take on this is that we should strive towards having both.
- Being open to different experiences can lead to a happy life. The people who like to explore new and unconventional stuff do not sweat the small stuff and take their happiness as it comes which allows it to flow more easily. More recently I am taking myself out of my comfort zone a little more, and it really has been quite cool, until I fall on the icy snow slope whilst skiing. No happiness in that moment.
- Then there is the money Can money buy you happiness? It seems to depend on how we spend our money and whether this aligns with our values. Money may buy life satisfaction, ease stress, and make us more comfortable, but once we have enough to cover our basic needs, there are diminishing returns on the happiness it brings. However, if we spend money on experiences and others, this creates a connection and will probably lead to great joy. Food for thought.
- There will often be fleeting moments of joy or contentment. Try to savour these moments, be present in them and then store them as magnificent memories, to be treasured and cherished.
- It seems that we should look at happiness as a journey as opposed to a target. We need to focus on what we have right now, as opposed to the stuff we think we may want to have. We can revel in the small everyday stuff; that magnificent sunrise, the delicious meal, the first sip of tasty bubbles celebrating life, an awesome catch up with an old friend, a hug and precious time with loved ones. This is the essence of happiness, as far I am concerned, finding joy and gratitude in these simple things.
- We do need the negative stuff that comes our way, so we must allow the mad, bad, and sad times. They are part of life and need to be processed healthily so that when we experience the joyful stuff we are not burdened with the negative stuff. In my experience this is one hundred percent right.
- Research has shown that the usual suspects mentioned regularly in my blogs such as regular exercise, spending time in nature, a good night’s sleep, a morning ritual, and meditation all help towards those consistent feelings of contentment and fulfilment. I feel that I am achieving these, mostly.
- Forgiving and forgetting by letting go of resentment, anger, and other horrid unnecessary stuff will help harbour feelings of happiness. True words.
- Being around and connecting with positive and supportive people also contributes hugely to our sense of happiness. Recent studies show that happy folk have close friends, strong family ties, strong romantic ties and their alone time is productive and necessary for their optimal health. I am blessed in this area.
- We need to get out of the compare and despair roller coaster culture. Finding your own unique individual path is key. Do not strive for someone else’s happiness. Moderate your use of social media and really understand that you are seeing a snapshot of the best version of people’s lives. We are all different, repetition, but necessary. I have progressed quite well in this department.
- Be kind. My ongoing mission of acts of kindness can most certainly attest to this, but at times can be a pain in the proverbial… reiterating that this happiness story definitely does come and go. It’s also vital to be kind to you. Apparently, thinking about doing an act of kindness may bring us happiness.
Exploring the whole happiness story has been fascinating but also incredibly overwhelming for me. Quite a hectic subject, to say the very least and one I definitely feel that I shall be revisiting in the future.
At the moment I plan to dig deep and continue to try to establish what floats my boat, not anyone else’s and not what society dictates. I plan to experiment with what actually makes me happy by doing different things and traversing various avenues. This is my unique journey, and I need to make the most of every bit of it, in all the ways that I can, in all the places that I can and as often as I can. I am really hoping you will all join me.
Wishing you all a weekend of Happiness!
With thanks to Laurie Santos, Lowrie Dowthwaite, Jennifer Tzeses, Kathleen Smith, Pursuit of Happiness Website, Rebecca of Minimalist Living, Joe Donan, Peter Daisyme and Dave Asprey.